‘There in the Grace of God Go I’
Last week I finished my blog by touching lightly on the resistance to structure of different models designed to support people on an inner journey. I pointed out that the resistance could be based on a subconscious reaction, the stimuli that comes from a childhood experience. Some people gravitate to models that have rules because there was not enough supporting structure in their lives, or maybe there was too much, so hence resistance and a journey evolved of daredevil behaviours or self destructive behaviours.
I have heard a story of where years later, in the reminiscence of those behaviours, that could have led to an early death. The comment being there but in the “Grace of God go I ‘. Such a beautiful statement for somebody that has walked both sides of life that knows both sides of the colours. The colour that sits within all of us, as I have talked to other people, has been given the description of awareness. Whether you understand my constant applying to the use of colour, it is in fact all these amazing energies of awareness/non awareness that sit within us.
It is from this place of knowing both sides of the colour that indeed the true teachers of the Soul emerge. They have gone beyond the rules of Society and religion and have indeed experienced the illusion side of the colours such as anger, anxiety, depression, loneliness, resistance, devastation, all those human emotions, somewhere in that experience they have come to be related to the understanding of the term used as “Dark night of the Soul”. We can stay in that darkness for quite some time, but if the soul has something to hold onto such as a faith in something bigger, a glimmer of hope for something better, an inner knowing of what the soul wants to achieve through us.
It is then we have something to hold onto to strengthen us and bring about an inner transmutation of the emotions that leave us in such a dark place. It is like this inner alchemy takes place as we start to experience the strength side of the colours, and start finding an inner platform of balance within, we start to become aware of our belief system, an unconscious one that has been running our lives.
That belief system is often based on a poor sense of self ( Self-esteem)….if my needs were not met as a baby, child, I must be bad. That inner button/script of self rejection plays out into adult hood in a very subtle way if not corrected. So when something bad happens inner reflection tells us, “It was my fault.” A split part of ourselves that is always very ready to take the blame.(I must be bad). It is from this place that all sorts of effects happen in our life. Others find it too painful to perceive that it could possibly be an inner fault of theirs and project any responsibility out on others. They are not protecting themselves, they are protecting the awareness around inner perfection of self. These two different sorts of behaviour make a good match for an abusive relationship.
As we start to move away from these debilitating inner beliefs we start to experience the strength side of spectrum of colours that are within us. We learn to be present to the emotion within, allowing it to open us to new paths of awareness, we let go of the part of the mind that feels it has to protect us from feeling, and start to recognize when the mind wants to continue to believe in pain. (Yes that is a big step).
As we reflect on the amazing behaviours played out on a dysfunctional level, it is something that happens that suddenly supports a shift within, they can be small or large, but there is a response of behaviour that is somehow changed. Some people talk of experiencing an opening into inner Grace, and then find a model that suits them for inner work. It is important to be able to stay free of the rules and beliefs and to able to journey within, letting go of what is not helpful, hence opening to an amazing rich inner life that reflects out as full of colour. The need for beliefs and rules keep us safe, but underneath those rules and beliefs there often sits a fear.
We need to learn to walk organically free from fear. One often hears the statement of one suffering with Mental Illness that they have lost their awareness of colour. Yes they have lost the awareness, but it is with a variety of tools that we choose, that are unique for everyone, that allows transmutation of the colours. We as a society look for a cure, perhaps it is the supporting hand that enables the journeyer to bring forth their colours. ‘There in the Grace of God go I ” becomes a beautiful reality.